I. Ketchup
It
was 4 am when the light turned from red to green beside the door. The
lumpers were finished offloading the trailer. I went to shipping and
receiving for my paperwork. The old woman pushed a yellow paper across
the counter.
"There was cargo damaged that you'll need to sign for. Two cases of ketchup."
I
pulled the truck forward from the door and walked back and looked
inside the trailer. There were two cardboard boxes. One was crushed. The
other was stained and wet and stunk of ketchup. I thought to throw them
in the trash and drive to my next stop, but I remembered it was
necessary to report cargo claims to the high command.
The
woman at high command in Green Bay, Wisconsin told me to put the two
cases in my cab and I would be instructed later on what to do with them.
I
wrapped the wet case in paper towel and lifted it out. It weighed at
least forty pounds. I put it on the floor on the passenger side. I set
the crushed case on top of it.
II. Ammonia
The cab stunk of ketchup. The damaged boxes contained thousands of Burger King ketchup packets.
I
pulled in to some sort of chemical plant for my pickup. There were
large silver tanks with steel hoses and the air was thick with ammonia. I
got out and went inside shipping and receiving for instructions.
I was to wear at all times a hard hat, a respirator, goggles and thick leather gloves. Even when I was driving.
Despite
the protection the ammonia stung at my eyes and throat. I drove to the
back of the plant where a man said he would spot for me on a blind back
around a building and into a warehouse. There was limited room to swing
the cab around. No driver had tried it yet with a big sleeper cab, he
said.
Wearing
the hardhat and gloves and goggles and the respirator made for a very
awkward back but after a few pullups I put it into the warehouse. They
loaded the trailer with 43,000 lbs of urea on wrapped pallets.
III. Lizards
Vanco was the nearest Cat Scale. It was still early. The sun had just come up.
Stockton,
California is a nasty town and the Vanco truck stop is the nastiest of
nasty truck stops. I pulled onto the scale and pressed the call button.
Before the attendant answered a pair of lot lizards, a black and a white
one, came up to my door.
"You looking for company, daddy?"
"Naw, momma. I just saw my old lady. I just got back on the road."
IV. Oranges
I
followed the computer navigation past where I should have turned. In my
mirror behind me I saw the trucks parked at a building. Then the
pavement narrowed to a single track and went up a steep hill through the
orchards. I was looking for anywhere to turn around. The pavement
crumbled and turned to dirt. At the top of the hill the dirt road ended
at a chainlink fence.
What to do now, I thought.
This
dirt area at the hilltop was wider than the road I had come up on, but
it was not wide enough. Perhaps I could drive into the orchard down
through one of the rows of trees and deep enough that I can
back the trailer out and cutting it hard, swing the cab around.
I
turned slowly into the orchard between the trees. The truck tore
oranges from the trees on both sides and the branches scraped down the
trailer. This had to be done, I told myself. There is no other way.
I pulled the entire truck into the orchard and stopped and in reverse started to slightly angle the trailer
back out, tearing oranges from the trees and driving over them. I had the windows down
and it now smelled wonderfully of citrus. The citrus smell overpowered the
smell of the ketchup.
I
made many pullups and was able to slowly angle the trailer back onto the dirt road so I could swing the cab around. I left deep tire ruts in the row of trees and crushed oranges and branches. It took me a half hour but I got
out of the orchard.
V. Ketchup (Redux)
I
dropped the empty in Sacramento and picked up the relay. It was 29,045
lbs. according to the truck computer. Anything under 30,000 lbs we were
told it is not necessary to scale.
But after I coupled up and pulled away the load felt heavy.
There
was a non-certified scale on site and I ran over it and wrote down the
weights on each of the axles. I didn't trust the scale but the load
scaled out legal. Still, something didn't feel right.
Sixty
miles later I passed the first weigh station on I-5 and it was closed. I
thought of the axle weight numbers I had written down. I realized they
added up to over 76,000 lbs. I was pulling a lot more than 29,000 lbs. I
pulled the paperwork out and saw there was a second page I hadn't
looked at. An additional 11,000 lbs had been added to the trailer.
The load was over 42,000 lbs. I needed to scale this thing immediately before I hit another weigh station.
My
navigation said the nearest Cat Scale was 40 miles away. Fortunately,
the nearest weigh station was 20 miles after that. Still, if the load
could not be made legal I was over 100 miles from where I picked it up.
High command would not be pleased.
I scaled it at the truck stop and went in for the ticket.
There
was 34,000 lbs exactly on the drive axles. I knew the law stated it had
to be under 34,000 but I couldn't remember if it was legal at exactly
that number. Nobody at the truck stop seemed to know either.
The
tandems were already all the way forward so the only way to move weight
off the drive axles was by pushing the fifth wheel the one remaining
notch forward. But this would have the effect of moving 350 lbs off the
drive axles and putting me about 50 lbs over the steer axle 12,000 lbs
limit.
I
would need to cut at least 50lbs of weight from the cab. The only thing
to do would be to jettison the ketchup. That would bring my steer axle
weight back below 12,000. The ketchup would have to go. The high command
would have to understand.
I lifted out each of the boxes and set them beside a dumpster.
I pulled back onto the scale for the re-weigh and went inside for the ticket.
It was a success. By jettisoning the ketchup I was now legal by 40 lbs. on the steer axle.